in the thicket

Mothering, love, grace and forgiveness

There are four words that I am learning go together: mothering, grace, love and forgiveness.

The longer I mother, the more I love my children. I thought I loved them when they were babies. When there was the amazement and joy of getting to know that new little person. Of carrying them and kissing the tops of their heads much too often because I just could not stop myself. (Even now I want to kiss other babies' heads- I will be one of "those" old women one day!) Of course, that was love, sweet love that it is so easy to give to a precious baby, and love that I believe all babies should be saturated in. Both us and them are better for it, and what a precious, precious time it is!

What is amazing to me is how deep and fierce my love for my children, who are becoming complicated and interesting people, is. They are not as "easy" to love as they were as little babes and toddlers with chubby cheeks. I am thankful that my 6 year old still has remnants of her toddlerhood, in her little cheeks as she sleeps and breathes deeply, and her still child-like voice. But I'm seeing hints of young womanhood, of the woman she will one day become in my 9 year old. Just hints, still, but they are there.

And now there is love, grace, and forgiveness. Because I am mothering immature children while I'm still immature myself. I need God's grace as I mother, as I teach my children (at times things which I have not yet learned myself- I'm learning with them!), and practice forgiveness. To forgive myself for making as many mistakes as they do, for having a hard heart, for being selfish. And I never knew how hard my heart was, how selfish I am, how imperfect I am, until I started this mothering thing. And I know that I should give thanks for that, really! Though some days I envy my 26 year old self, so confident and excited. I became a mother the day after my 27th birthday, and then the true shaping of my character began.

I'm so thankful this morning that I'm not parenting alone. I have my husband, of course. But we both have our Heavenly Father, and the Holy Spirit. I'm still learning, daily, always to walk in the Spirit and trust Him as I parent. All mistakes are definitely my own, and they are many. So praise God for love, grace and forgiveness!

Some resources that I have found helpful:

Whole Heart Ministries lead by Sally and Clay Clarkson (Over the years their conferences and books have been immensely encouraging to me) Specifically:

Sally's blog "I Take Joy"

And I am being so blessed by the new edition of "Heartfelt Discipline" by Clay Clarkson.

Also, a variety of books by wise authors, some Christian and some secular:

 

 

But, most important, and what I know I need to do more, is prayerfully seeking wisdom in God's Word!

 

What I've been up to

I love how some people blog and you can get a sense of the flow of their life... what they are passionate about, what they are learning, how they are growing. When I'm passionate about something and extremely focused, then I personally find it hard to find the time to blog! I have reached a point, though, where I can take a breath and write a bit about some of the positive things going on in my life. But first, a quick recap of 2012, which was one of the hardest years of my life.

In January last year, my husband agreed to join me in doing a "Whole 30". This was following his parents' illnesses and we were highly motivated. We both did well and lost some weight and I felt better. I was still struggling somewhat with managing cooking and what to cook and just the dailiness of it all. And then then something unexpected happened... I got pregnant. And then something else unexpected happened... I had an early miscarriage. This both crushed me and ignited the desire for another child in me after we realized that we were happy about the first pregnancy. So we tried and I became pregnant again. Of course being pregnant, food becomes what you can stand and unfortunately what I could stand was very bland foods, often grain. Things seemed to be progressing well in my second pregnancy. A strong heartbeat was detected at 8 weeks. At about 10-11 weeks we told my husband's family. Then at 12 weeks, I had a bit of spotting, and I knew. Immediately. After a traumatic trip to the ER where they probably thought I was crazy because I wasn't having many signs of miscarriage, they confirmed that my baby didn't have a heartbeat, which I already knew. The next day after a second confirmation, I was scheduled for a procedure in the hospital and then I wasn't pregnant any more. It was my first time under anethesia and I'm thankful that the process wasn't drawn-out for me physically (though I know many women prefer natural miscarriages). But I was numb and grief-stricken for several months after. Even now I am still tender, of course, but I am blessed because I do have two beautiful children to take care of, and I do not feel a burden when I am around other pregnant women or babies (I am happy for them!). And now I understand that grief, and appreciate even more how precious life is. And I look forward to meeting my little ones one day, but I know they are safe for now.

So, coming full circle, my husband and I planned to do another "Whole 30" as a reset in January. We were initially delayed by of all things, the flu! I imagine our immune systems were shot because we certainly ate too much junk in December. At that point in time I felt completely overwhelmed at the thought of so much cooking and planning, and making major changes. We had the flu starting December 30/31, and my husband suggested about a week later that we wait until I was pretty well recovered and chose January 14th as our start date.

At the same time I had so much anxiety about not wanting to stumble or quit again, and I really had to think, pray about it and talk it over with friends. I am truly blessed to have a nice group of my close friends who have also chosen the grain-free/paleo lifestyle, and that has been so helpful! And just the number of people who blog about it and share recipes, ideas, inspiration is wonderful.

I hope to post more specifically about the grain-free lifestyle that we are embracing, and what is working for me (and my husband!) My biggest challenge has just been working through these changes and figuring out how it will work for MY family. As my dad loves to say (and has the license plate, PROGRESS, to prove it), "Progress, not perfection." I'm not perfect, I'm not an expert, but I am trying to be faithful and committed to improving my health and my family's health.

Nursing a faithful friend today

A happy, healthy Max with his brother Joshua in 2004.

Our sweet Bengal kitty Max has had chronic kidney failure for a few years. It was first detected in 2009, but since he seemed to be doing fine and we didn't realize the significance, we haven't had him in for a check-up since then. Sadly it has progressed to a very bad point, "Stage 4" as the vet says. It seems that kitties with chronic kidney failure usually live about 2-3 years once it starts. It has caught us completely by surprise, as Max had seemed to be the kitty who did not age, and fairly recently was very active and thriving, even while we were unaware that his kidneys were failing. Even this fall, we thought it was normal aging starting to catch up with him. But sadly we learned yesterday that it was not.

We are "giving him a chance" as the vet says, by treating him for a UTI that he has, and he also had a dose of fluids. He has also had an appetite stimulant, which does not seem to be working. Looking at him, I know his time is short if he doesn't start eating. It breaks my heart, he doesn't understand why he doesn't feel good, and why we can't help him feel better.

From what I have read, kidney failure is not a peaceful passing for kitties, so we will have to make a decision soon. Praying for some sign of improvement and healing, and wisdom about when to let him go. One of those has to happen very soon.

We will be sad to lose this special, loud, exuberant member of our family who is now quiet and still, but we know that our responsibility is to help him have a good quality of life, and sadly we cannot help make it better any more. He's been my kitty since I was in college, and honestly this feels too soon, though he is fourteen years old. His loud yowling meow drove me insane during many a naptime when the girls were little, but also I had just as many smiles on my face watching him play with the girls.

We will be so sad to say good-bye, sweet Max. I am so sorry you are sick, and so sad that we can't make it better.

 

December 2nd

Sweet, sick little kitty Max...

December 1st

Oh Little Christmas Town...

Christmas Craft Challenge

I love it when books live up to their expectations, don't you?  As you might guess, today I was "inspired by" the lovely book "Inspired You" by Marian Parsons, better known as Miss Mustard Seed. I've been a long-time reader of her blog, and have been encouraged by her DIY attitude toward home decor (her motto is "Move mountains in your home"). But honestly, all I ever did was just READ her blog... uncertainty, perfectionism and feeling overwhelmed by just "keeping up" have largely kept me from doing the crafty and home decor projects that I enjoyed before I had kids.

I was thrilled to recieve her book as a birthday present last week! I read her book over the past two days. Today I was inspired by her gentle words of encouragement; her honesty that her life is truly not picture-perfect either; and her reminder that we create in our homes for ourselves and that however we are restrained (finances, ability, state of our home, etc) we can use our creative abilities and do something to make our home a more lovely place. And I decided that I wanted to create something!

At first I wanted to make one of the sheet music wreaths that I've admired for so long, but decided that would be best to do after kids were in bed. If there's one thing true for me and crafting and home decor, it is that it either needs to be kid-friendly or kid-involved. Meaning, it's better if I let them help or at least it's not a complex project. Because I always have my two lovely helpers nearby...

Today I decided to use what I have to start the decorating process in our dining nook. I was also semi-inspired by the amazing blogger Jean at The Artful Parent, and I'm looking forward to buying her ebook and trying out some of her ideas! The ideas I came up with are pretty simple, but not something that a child could do alone because of the hot glue gun.

I really just went through my smallish stash of stuff and pulled out things that I thought might go together in a Christmassy way, and started playing. I'm not a huge crafter, really, and I'm very cheap so a lot of what I have is kids craft materials, from the dollar store, or even given to me!

As you can see, I have clothes pin, paint, glue gun and specifically I pulled out my gold biocolar paint which I later thinned with water to make it more like a glaze.

I couldn't get it all in one shot, but I also have (non-smelly, boo) cinammon sticks, some red ribbons and some vintage (1954) Christmas music that my grandmother had saved. This was what I really wanted to use, it just made me smile!

Oh, and just to be "bloggish" and such, I even wrote myself a cute chalkboard sign to prove I was giving myself a real challenge. (I think I need to improve my chalkboard drawing skills!)

I ended up developing two ideas. The first was for the bay window in our kitchen. This window is one I both love and hate. I need the light, but we have ugly blinds and I am not up for investing money into changing them (we currently rent our home from a family member), and I don't love all the wood trim. Maybe some people do, but I would prefer to paint it all, but since that is not going to happen anytime soon, I will just have to live with it!

I wanted to take this lovely sheet music, with the sweet winter scenes, and somehow display it around the window. At first I thought of making "swag" to go along the top...

But I thought that looked too messy. Then I decided that it would look better if I attached the clothes pins (which I ended up painting, just the front, and leaving the reset natural) to ribbon I had, and hanging it vertically against the wooden window frame. It would break up the wood a bit and really allow me to stop and look at the music if I wanted to. And the top of the windows would still be "free" if I wanted to put something swagged up there!

I started by laying them out to get a sense of how far apart I wanted them.

And this is where crafting gets hard for me, personally. Just the sheer logistics. I am definitely more of an "eyeball" it person that "let's measure it" plus I sometimes struggle to figure out work flow. And how not to glue things to the counter. Important stuff like that! But I actually was able to think through a process that ended up working well. I taped two equal lengths of ribbon on the counter (since I wanted to make two of them) and then made them at the same time so that they would be symmetrical. Maybe it's common sense, but this is the kind of stuff that makes crafting stressful for me, I need to figure out a good "work flow"!

I just hot-glued the clothes pin to the ribbon, and let it set on the plate.

Then just scooted the plate down to the next spot and eye-balled it. Very quick and easy!

Not the best picture, but this shows about how big it ended up being. I love the way it looks up close, though. Really so easy. I'm sure someone else has done this before! (I would give credit, but I don't honestly remember being inspired by any one particular person.)

My next craft was for our chandelier. Such as it is, I really need to replace the shades! I like to hang something from it and put a little swag on it. I was inspired by the pack of cinammon sticks I had, and some simple hearts. I wanted to bring in a natural element and create something that was a little rustic and also had meaning. I started by painting the cinammon sticks with some watered-down gold paint, just to give them a bit of sparkle.

Thankfully, I had a little helper.

I wanted to keep it pretty simple, so I decided to just make a simple cross shape (with glue gun) and then wind some red floss around the middle just for a bit of red.

That was just a bit more plain than I wanted, so I decided to cut some hearts out of some of the sheet music that I was considering to use to make the sheet music wreath (I think I need more sheet music to do that, actually!) Then I just put one heart on each side, not to hide the red but that is sort of how it worked out.

Next came the hard part... the part where I burned my fingers... eeek! I had to figure out a way to make loops out of grosgain ribbon and then attach my crosses to it. The problem was I wanted short loops, which wouldn't fit over the chandelier very well with the cross attached. My first idea was to use the glue gun in mid air, to make the loop ON the chandelier, but this was NOT smart. Really burned my fingers! So then I thought hey not aiming for perfection here and got out my stapler.

yes, I stapled my loop. That still left the issue of attaching the cross to the loop, but I finally figured out that gluing the cinammon stick and then quickly moving to the loop (hanging from the chandelier) worked fine. And did not result in burned fingers!

This is really just step one of decorating the chandelier. Right now I have different length loops, but it looks strange, so I will try to adjut that.

And bopping in and out I had my helper... this is what she thought of me at times:

But being the little crafty girl that she is, she also came up with her own craft idea, which she is working on here. Maybe I'll blog about it later, if she finishes it. She is sometimes a bit distracted!

Glimpses of my home this fall

I have to say, trying to take pictures for this post gives me a new respect for home decor and DIY bloggers! I'm not aspiring to that, just trying to document some of my fall decor, as simple as it is. Real mom, real family decorations! I'm not sure if my home is hard to photograph (poor natural light, dark woods, etc) or if I am just not a great photographer. Hmmmm, I am going to say both of those!

I do love days like today, though. It's definitely fall, not winter, though Halloween is past. I hear the leaf blower outside, as my husband is doing the second of many rounds of getting up leaves. Our oak leaves are just starting to turn, and unfortunately they just go brown so it's a bit of a let-down in our yard. So I must confess that I feel a bit guilty, sitting here sipping my coffee and posting to my blog!

Anyway, I won't share tons of our Halloween pictures, just this one of our jack-o-lanterns and some little pumpkins that my girls decorated with sharpies. (This was a FUN activity, I loved how it turned out!) The big pumpkins are gone now, of course, but we brought the little ones back inside to enjoy for another week or so.

Moving inside... We actually have a real focal point in our family room, our very large fireplace. It's on the "long" side of the room, flanked by two windows. I don't love the dark rustic mantel (which matches the dark rustic chair rail in the room) but it does give me a lot of room to decorate. I tend to put quite a lot on this surface, because I don't have any big "impact" pieces to draw the eye up to the mantel, instead of the toys below. A couple of years ago I made a "Give Thanks" banner (I found this on the internet, if I find the link I will come back and update this post!), and I like to put different crafts that the girls have made up there. This year I put up two "turkeys" that they made, and in my glass bowl I have salt-clay leaves that they have painted. Also I have a Thanksgiving book up there (in my house, books are worthy of being used as decor!) I also have our nature guides, plates with birds on them, candles, and interesting rocks the girls have collected. Not the best picture, I tried to not use a flash but didn't use a tripod...

And, just to keep it real, a full view of the fireplace, with the toys on it. (The main reason that I don't aspire to "real" decor!)

And as I said before, books are decorative AND useful of course, in my house. This is a picture of the shelf in my kitchen dining area (which often becomes cluttered, so I should sew a skirt for it). I have a tray with some glass pumpkins, more salt-clay ornaments, and of course some favorite fall and Thanksgiving books. (Cranberry Thanksgiving is a favorite which has been re-issued!) Yes, it's cluttered looking, but my girls love that I have the salt-clay ornaments out that they made.

And finally, a glimpse out my front door. This hallway is truly nothing special and definitely a work in progress (I have shelves with homeschooling materials, and it's an on-going effort to keep them tidy; the wall art are taped up there, and the painting is one my 6 year old did the other day on an extra canvas I had and it's literally hanging on a random nail on the wall... keeping it VERY real here!) But I love it when I can open the door on days like today and enjoy the sun streaming in.

Thanks for taking a peek at what is going on in my house this fall! I hope that we can create some more kid-friendly crafts and decor this week, so much great inspiration out there on Pinterest!

My "300 walks" challenge

Walking has always been my favorite form of exercise. I'm noncompetitive and clutzy, and truly hate group exercise classes. Running has never been easy or natural for me. Walking, on the other hand- something I'd actually chose to do even if it wasn't categorized as "exercise"! Mark from Mark's Daily Apple talks about the different varieties of exercise that our ancestors engaged in, and the need for low-level aerobic exercise, which walking qualifies as. (He comes from an evolutionary perspective, which I do not; still I believe that God did design our bodies to be able to walk comfortably long-distances at a reasonable pace, since that's how we got around for many years!) He has a "Definitive Guide to Walking" that I found helpful.

In my mind, being able to throw on some comfortable clothes and head out for a nice long walk or hike a semi-challenging trail and be able to enjoy your surroundings rather than feeling winded or overwhelmed is a level of fitness that everyone (including myself) should be able to enjoy. I know that many people love running, but I don't think that running is for everyone. (Sorry runners!) But for those of us who don't have a physical challenge to overcome (that is, we walk, period) then it is well-worth doing.

My mother-in-law has been in treatment for Stage IV Agressive Lymphoma since January (30% 5 year survival rate). Before she got cancer, she could walk, not at a fast pace, but she was completely mobile. The cancer put her in a wheelchair. She has, however, praise God, beaten the cancer and is remission! And recently my sister-in-law took her to a park and my mother-in-law was able to walk about a mile! Amazing! My father-in-law is also in recovery from a stroke, and he has had his own walking victories!

Inspired by them and also by my own need to improve my overall fitness, I'm giving myself a challenge. My goal is to complete 300 walks in a year. Right now I probably average about 2 walks a week (and some weeks, not even that!) I am a non-exerciser pretty much. But I truly believe that if I commit myself to regularly walking, to making walking a part of my lifestyle, that I will reap many benefits, physical, emotional and spiritual.

In order to meet my goal, I would need to complete, on average, about 6 walks a week. (Technically 5.76 I believe.) So that's my smaller goal. I'm definining a "walk" as a minimum of 30 minutes of walking. I will vary my regular daily walks between 30-60 minutes and also vary the intensity. (If I'm really dragging and all I can manage is a slow pace, I'll go with that. If I can do more, I will!) I also hope to complete some longer hikes as well. If I do a longer hike, I will give myself the option of counting it as two "walks" (especially if it's more intense). That might be a way for me to play "catch up" if I get behind and encourage me to attempt some longer hikes.

I first brainstormed this challenge for myself on Sunday, 10/28/12 while... taking a walk! :) So I will call that the start date.

Specific plan:
Plan A, my preference: Weather permitting, get up between 6:30-6:45 and head short drive away to local greenway, which has a 1.66 mile stretch that runs along a creek and a nature preserve on one side, and backs up to a safe neighborhood on the other. Very, very safe area, I can get there in 5 minutes so not a long drive time. Popular with walkers with dogs and runners, so I won't be out there alone, for sure. So to the end and back (or whatever part of it I'm up for) would be a bit over 3 miles. I can also walk in the neighborhood itself. I should be home by 7:45 to hop in shower before my husband and then be good to go for the day.

Other plans to get my walks in, and yes with my crazy life I need this many options!
-Get up early and go to the YMCA to walk on the soul-sucking treadmills.
-Take the girls and put them in childcare during the day and walk on soul-sucking treadmills.
-Walk outside after home is home, either in my neighborhood or a nearby one with lots of sidewalks.
-Head to the YMCA after husband is home.

I will update my progress here as I go along. No promises as to how often since I'm not a consistent blogger to begin with, but I hope that this might inspire me to post!

To date:

Walk #1: Greenway, 50 minutes, moderate pace

Walk #2: Thwarted by Hurricane Sandy, headed to YMCA and walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes (in the evening, couldn't walk longer because I had to pick my 6 year old up from the YMCA childcare!)

Walk #3: Planned for tonight, outside in neighborhood (it was too nasty this morning plus I needed to go to the grocery store!)

Happy International Homebirth Day

I just learned that June 6th is International Homebirth Day. I had no idea! I have warm, wonderful memories of my own homebirth with my second daughter, six years ago. But currently I have a heavy heart because of steps that have been taken against homebirth attendants in my state of North Carolina.

There are many other bloggers who have discussed the challenging status of homebirth in NC. Direct-entry or CPM's are not legally allowed to attend homebirths here, though in fact they do. CNM's are legally allowed to attend homebirths under the supervision of an MD. Recently, though, a local MD notified a handful of CNM's that he "supervised" that he would no longer be able to sign their licenses, and as a result those CNM's cannot attend births (unless they find another MD to supervise them, not an easy task.) I learned this information via social networks that I can't directly link to and blog posts like this one.

As I understand it, there are two issues that are important here: the licensing and regulation of Certified Professional Midwives, aka HB522/SB522 (being promoted by The North Carolina Friends of Midwives) and the requirement that MD's "supervise" CNM's attending homebirths (I do not know the details of this.) I did call NC Speaker of the House Thom Tillis that I supported the bill and want it to be heard and voted on!

Later this afternoon, I was shocked and saddened to see that the North Carolina OB/GYN society was seeking "bad outcome" homebirth stories. I had read some discussions, but someone was able to post a picture of the letter. After reading this, I decided to do something that is probably futile. I don't think my words will be heard or appreciated. But I decided to email my thoughts and personal story to the NC OB/GYN Society, just to be a positive voice. Since I'm pretty sure that my note to them (which had an error in it that I will correct below) will be deleted, I wanted to at least share it here for posterity.

To Whom it May Concern:

I recently became aware that the North Carolina Obstetrical and Gynecological Society is seeking information about tragic outcomes of homebirths. I understand that homebirth is not the typical birth experience in the US today, and that there have been some recent tragic outcomes that might be concerning to your organization, as they are to me. I believe that those isolated incidents are far from normal and in fact may be due to the hostile "climate" for homebirth in our state. Instead of taking efforts to restrict the ability of mothers who wish to give birth at home from having access to competent, trained midwives I believe that your organization should in fact be seeking to support the licensing of CPMs and increasing the ability of CNM's to attend homebirths. I am quite sure that you will still have plenty of "business"! (Ob-gyn's who attend hospital births.). My hope is that the current antagonistic relationship between the homebirth community and organizations such as this one can be improved. Please let me share my personal experience to explain why I feel this way.

I am a North Carolina native, but for eight years I lived in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Similar to NC, Michigan also does not license CPMs (though there is an on-going effort to change that), however the homebirth community is quite active there. I personally knew at least a dozen mothers who had homebirths with excellent outcomes. My first birth was in 2003 at the University of Michigan Hospital in Ann Arbor, and was attended by a family practice physician. I was induced at 42 weeks with cytotec (though I expressed concerns about the safety of this) and had a very, very challenging labor. I nearly ended up with a c-section, but after the 4th dose of cytotec my body finally went into labor, and then I struggled with contractions 2-3 minutes apart along with a premature urge to push. Once I was "allowed" to push, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep and they had to wake me up and tell me to push. My daughter was born well and healthy, which I was thankful for. The attending physicians were surprised when they saw my placenta, and described it as a "39 week placenta". There had been no medical reason for the induction, even though I did not want to have it, and it was considered an "elective induction".

I did not wish to repeat my first birth experience, which led to some breastfeeding challenges and great emotional distress on my part. My first choice, after I became pregnant with my second child, was to seek out CNM's who delivered in a local hospital. I quickly found out that once again they would "require" me to be induced if I went to 42 weeks, and given how my first birth went, I was not at peace with that. At this point, I sought out the homebirth community. I was pleased to find that there were a number of CPMs who practiced in the city where I lived. I met and interviewed several midwives, and ultimately chose a midwife who had been licensed in Tennessee, a state that has a significant history of midwifery and licenses these attendants. Even though she was not able to have a license in Michigan, her extensive training and background was important to me and my husband.

My homebirth experience was wonderful. Because our own home was very small, we traveled a short distance to my midwife's home and I was able to labor in her large tub. We had previously discussed my birth plan, what would constitute the need to transfer to a hospital, what actions she would take before birth (setting up oxygen, etc) and after birth. I had complete informed consent. I also had a doula who was present. My labor began when I was 42 weeks 5 days pregnant, and it progressed easily and there were no complications. My homebirth was notable because of the lack of drama and excitement. I went into labor, and supported by my midwife, husband and doula, gave birth to a healthy baby girl who weighed 8 lbs 2 oz, without any complications or issues.

My story is truly not unique. The search for bad homebirth outcomes by your organization is extremely concerning to me. Women have the right to chose where they want to give birth, and I believe that they should have the right to chose care providers/birth attendants who can pursue and obtain the best training possible for the role that they are in (i.e. Ob-gyn for high-risk births; Ob-gyn for your normal hospital birth; CNMs to attend births either in or out of the hospital; CPMs to attend homebirths or birth center births.) I truly believe that there is the need for all of these options to best serve the women of North Carolina.

I sincerely hope that your organization puts politics and personal preferences aside and looks at the facts. Some women in North Carolina will chose to have homebirths. Would your organization prefer them to have unregulated care providers, or attendants who are "out in the open" and accountable?

Like I said, I do not think that the above email will change anything. I'm not sure that my quick phone call changed anything. But I whole-heartedly support those working toward making positive changes to improve the legal status of homebirth attendants in North Carolina.

So that's my 2 cents on today, International Homebirth Day.

A picture of my homebirth baby with her dad...

 

 

Multiplied...

This past week, I read the beautiful story, "Miss Rumphius" by Barbara Cooney, with my girls. Miss Rumphius is known as the "Lupine Lady" since she walked across Maine sowing five bushels of lupine seeds in an effort to keep her promise to her grandfather to "do something to make the world more beautiful."

(Lupines in Main, image found here)

I hate how ugliness and sin (including my own) can spread throughout the world, but I'm encouraged by how God also designed beautiful things to spread easily and naturally. Miss Rumphius first discovered that the lupines were spreading after a season of illness when she was bedridden. She had planted them in her garden, but they spread beyond. Inspired, she then went across the land, spreading the seeds which then spread even further. She threw the seeds everywhere, and just trusted that they would bloom and spread. At first everyone thought she was crazy.

Sometimes it doesn't feel real that God's redeeming love can change both individuals like me and families like mine and communities... from families, to neighborhoods, villages and churches. But through Jesus, it can and will. This is the power of the gospel, and His will for us.

May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

                                                                                                                2 Peter 1:2